a few thoughts on family and mom

Family  ...that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, never quite wish to.  (Dodie Smith)

The simple word will undoubtedly evoke a wide range of emotion and explosion of thoughts.  Certainly, these are subject to frequent and fluid change, dependent on past experiences and current situations.

A child may revere their father with awe.. as a godlike or hero figure.  But a moment later, after being told "no, you may not eat m&ms for breakfast", the child instantly disowns and rejects the connection to his family. Thankfully such an interaction will likely not trigger a lasting break or impact on the father/son relationship, but often singular incidences shape our view.


You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.  (Desmond Tutu)
With mother's day approaching, the word may hold greater meaning and receive larger consideration/thought.  As we recognize the people in our lives that we consider our mothers... it certainly shows a bit of our philosophy and perspective on family - at least in this aspect.

And, as with most things in life, our families shift through the journey of life.  Growing up, my mother and I fought continuously.  I certainly held little respect and concern for her authority, scoffing at her attempt to discipline.  Looking back on my behavior toward mom as a teenager, I'm ashamed. Of course I've little idea what our continual mouth battles were about.. likely my attempt to exert independence and freedom without caution or acceptance of advice.

I don't know whether or not she remembers one particular interaction, the last fight between us that I remember.  We were arguing as usual in the kitchen and found ourselves standing face to face, within arm's length of one another.  I remember attempting to hide a grin, failing, and laughing/smirking arrogantly and defiantly in her face.  Rather than vehemently pointing out my extremely rude and inappropriate behavior she stood quietly for a moment, holding a bowl of pasta in her hands.  Suddenly, she tipped the whole bowl of pasta toward me, letting it ricochet off me before falling to the floor, and walked away.  Needless to say, I was shocked, and impressed.  I can't remember a heated argument following that.

But despite our tumultuous years of the past, which I'm sure added many gray hairs to her head, I now consider her one of my best friends.. with a reciprocal and beneficial relationship.  I can't be certain of the precise shift, but we became mutual confidants.. bestowing and seeking and accepting advice of the other.

Some of my fondest memories in life exist out of my mother's kitchen - the countless times surrounding the big table with people, cooking.. baking.. eating.. laughing.. crying.. sharing life together. it's the safest place I can imagine. Although it wasn't the kitchen of my childhood, in this open kitchen of our remodeled home, I learned to cook and bake.. can and preserve.  I stood so long at the kitchen sink peeling pears for canning, meticulously separating elderberries from stem, quartering apples for applesauce, and washing/blanching green beans.

There remains continual debate in our family whether or not we had pork and sauerkraut for new years day meal, along with how many meals mom prepared for us as children.   I realized one day in my early adult years, that I had little memory of mom as a very young child...remembering mostly my babysitters and the crazy adventures of childhood.  My strongest and earliest memory of mom exists from an unknown time..  when one evening late she and dad came home from a concert or event.  The cool evening air drifted in with them, carrying delicious scents of the fields.  I remember distinctly mom's perfume scent and the comfort that accompanied her.

But, whether or not I hold an abundance of memories of my mother as a child.. I am fortunate and blessed to carry hundreds of memories from times in recent years.  Every person should have a mother figure in their life like mine, Darlene.  Just like the rest of us, she's not perfect.   But, the grace and forgiveness and love that she extends on a daily basis, from week to week and month to month and year to year, is just incredible.   I can only hope that one day I will be able to follow in that example, even a little.

The orphanage that I spent time at in Uganda was run by a husband and wife couple.  Together, they had 11 children (with 1 on the way when we were there) and cared for another 50 plus children.  When we attempted to gather the immediate "family" of the pastor, it was nearly impossible... and I'm not entirely sure we succeeded in finding the blood relations.   That couple counted all of the children as their family, refusing to distinguish.  I feel  as though mom accomplishes such with everyone she meets in life, regarding all as family and deserving of love. And, to each of her children, I am completely certain she would lay down her life for us.

No greater love than this.
Thank you Mom.. words can't express the gratefulness in my heart for you.

Happy Mother's Day.  I love you