So this is part of where the year has gone, time in the hospital keeping my cynical side healthily supplied. Another part has gone to driving... Many hours and miles of driving, to and from New Jersey frequently. A very small but wonderful part went to a fantastic birthday trip in Los Angelos, where I had the honor of spending my 30th birthday. Another bit went to hours of training and supporting a very good friend. And at least a portion of drinking wine and eating sushi with the siblings occurred. But where did the rest of the time melt to..
I've paid off some long standing debt, realized the weight of cumbersome student loans, been blessed with income and hopefully lightened some others burden with gifts. I reconciled with an old demon from my past, if one can truly reconcile with a demon. Realized that we reflect on our scars of old wounds..
Life-giving is a word on mind a lot. Taking a director and lead role at Impact, my long standing soccer and sport training company, has been the most life giving of activities in the last few months. Though it takes up a lot of my time, attention, and energy. I absolutely love it! I've found like minded people in the leadership, a style that fits with me, and a challenge big and intimidating enough to keep me motivated and interested. For the first time I've found something to invest in, to build upon and find value in .. Quite refreshing.
But.. No sleep occurs. And my family suffers, as I don't spend nearly enough time for those that love me unconditionally. And in worn out, drained quiet moments.. Or joyous ones.. I find myself feeling a good bit alone. Not a new feeling to be sure.
At times I feel like I'm strapped into some sort of device that's propelling me pelmel... A ride that I can't quite stop, even if I wanted to.. It's a great exhilarating experience, wonder if I'm missing things on the way.. incidences like the car accident remind me to slow down and learn to take care. Though I'm not real sure that'll happen. But thankfully the uncontrolled fall down the rabbit hole has stopped...replaced by a rather speedy train but at least I'm somewhat in control :)
So if that's the year in review...where's that leave the present, and the near future...and the long.
Moon is breaking through her hair
She said it was something that she won't forget
Having no regrets is all that she really wants
And I've been thinking about it lately
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how fast the night changes?
Everything that you've ever dreamed of
Disappearing when you wake up