timshel; east of eden

East of Eden is a favorite read of mine.  Over the years, I've delved into it's worn pages more frequently than any other book.  I can't quite figure out why I am so drawn to it. Perhaps it's because of my tendency to scan pages, so each read finds new details and intricacies in the story.  Although... considering Crime and Punishment is a close favorite, I believe it has more to do with a story speaking toward the depravity of humans.

Always one to depict the more drab aspects of the human existence, John Steinbeck often writes on the conflict between good and evil.  East of Eden parallels, with a desperate unwillingness to completely align with the story of Cain and Abel.  (See here for more information: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4406.East_of_Eden)

The Hebrew word "timshel" means "thou mayest".  The conversation between characters surrounding this idea is a mere couple pages in the vast story, but it creates impact.  For more context, take a read of the Cain and Abel story (a short 16 verses).  In East of eden, there is a debate whether or not the translation implies that one Will inevitably conquer sin or one is Must complete an order by conquering sin.  Steinbeck writes the characters feeling burdened and conflicted by these two apparent ideas... if it's ones destiny to conquer, it insights laziness and lack of responsibility. Conversely, if a person is ordered to a task, they will work diligently all of life striving to attain something that will always seem out of reach.  Neither one seems very agreeable.

However, through studying Hebrew, the story reads that old men find freedom by the translation of timshel: thou mayest.  It gives permission, empowers and allows a man to feel that there's a measure of choice left in the world.  Because, it just as easily implies, thou may not... choose to conquer evil or sin.

I've read this part of East of Eden at least four times now, but this part never struck me with such clarity. Perhaps I felt a bit as I was sitting under a huge oak tree in some desolate, yet beautiful valley.. sipping a strong drink and philosophizing the world.

The power of choice is tremendous... absolutely tremendous.  The first time I encountered the change agent of choice, was working with children.  So often as adults, we tell people what the best course of action will be.. without pausing for a moment to consider the destruction setting, demanding, and instructing a specific journey or step for another can be.  When I fully realized the power of allowing choice to the children I worked with, I nearly felt manipulative.. because by simply asking an either/or question, the child remained completely compliant, communicative, and cheerful.

A very base tendency I noticed long ago within myself is to do the exact opposite of what is requested, whether I want to or not. Thankfully, I've managed to control this urge a bit more in adult life... but particularly if I am given a statement of "you will not..." or "you can not..." do such and such, I will make a very clear point of proving that statement wrong.  And, I nearly always tense (at least slightly) with demands... always struggling and fighting being pinned down.  The Clydesdales are coming to Philadelphia soon.. they're so impressive.  I doubt that I would be very pleased with a bit controlling my movements.

But, timshel... thou mayest; sorta takes the fight out of me, or at least redirects and places it in the correct areas.  Certainly it requires trust and confidence, for one may choose to follow a path of evil.  I've struggled a lot lately with how I, and people in general, rationalize the negative behaviors and decisions made.   I wonder if my need for justification comes from the idea of being ordered, commanded to conquer sin and align behaviors in a certain way... or the opposite, that regardless of actions taken the end result will be the same, since it is pre determined. But, when I am given a choice... well, there is no reason for excuses and building supporting evidence.  I am simply accountable for my choices.

Interestingly, Mumford and Sons have a song entitled Timshel.  I must admit that I am a bit baffled by the meaning behind their lyrics, but I find confidence and camaraderie in the words.  Timshel is freeing, but it perhaps individualizes.. places responsibility on a single person. Thus, its possible that our choices lead us to a very lonely and forgotten place, separate of others.  So, in the beauty and freedom of thou mayest, there certainly lies potential for despondency.  Choice is freeing.. what will we do with that freedom?

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And you are the mother
The mother of your baby child
The one to whom you gave life
And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And I will tell the night
Whisper, "Lose your sight"
But I can't move the mountains for you