healing or heat or cats

Once upon a time two kittens, of the same litter, were transported from a farm in rural western Pennsylvania to their new home in a 3rd floor apartment of a grand old house in Bronx, New York. One, named Kuro, resembled their mother with predominately gray hair, splattered with brown and red markings. The other, Shady, appeared tawny and caramel in color. Brother and sister seemed to adapt quickly in their new environment, finding comfort in their bond and care by new owners. As time passed, they grew from country kittens into healthy city cats, each demonstrating a unique personality. Life settled into regularity... until one day, tragedy struck.

Kuro, always the mischievous and adventuresome type, found a window open; the world always viewed through the great windows of the apartment finally seemed accessible. And so, without his sister and partner in crime, he ventured onto a tree into the side lot... a strange new world. After a few hours of frantic searching, Ku was returned safely to third floor home, with windows securely locked. However, the experience rocked the psyche of poor Shady. Always more quiet, she became a recluse... suspicious and hateful of the world and all beings, particularly her brother Kuro. To this day, nearly two years later, she remains hidden and paranoid of her living mates... only to venture out in quiet hours.

From birth, we have a core foundational need to feel secure. Through childhood and adolescence as our brain develops, we associate various patterns of interacting, material objects, or ideals with safety... which become, rather unconsciously, a net or foundation. When as adults that feeling of safety is somehow endangered, the brain searches for a scapegoat rather than challenge the secure framework built to protect. Rather than learn to trust, accept changes, etc... we accept seemingly irrational ideas and come to illogical conclusions... all to protect the "secure" supports built in our childhood.

If, our secure base is rocked... if the waves break against our harbors too harshly, we may find holes, gaps, areas that need to be restored. However, we must repair carefully... "No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If they do, the new piece will pull away from the old, making the tear worse" (mark 2:21). Although I'm not seamstress, I learned quickly the need to match weight and type of cloth and thread when repairing torn clothing, particularly jeans. It also requires one to be aware of the strain that may be placed on the torn area - a patch on the forearm or stomach will not be tested as much as a crotch or knee patch.

The heat of July seems to suffocate at times. Swimming attire and snorkels or oxygen tanks feel necessary in the thick, oppressive air. It seems to make people irritable, as though they're trapped in an invisible net or held down by a weight... unable to shake off the heat or escape, without retreating indoors to air conditioning (if privileged to have such in living space). I'm always amazed by the nearly invisible heat waves that rise from pavement... creating a slight distortion of the scene beyond.

Heat is powerful... psychologically and physically challenging. Dehydration or heat exhaustion happens so quickly, our weak bodies not able to operate without adequate hydration. About half a mile into running a couple nights ago, I desperately wanted to remove my shoes... my feet felt on fire. The remainder of the run was difficult, because i could not get my mind to stop thinking about my over heated feet. I could not escape... could not settle my breathing, relax my body, and calm my mind enough to enjoy a run.

The synapses, or connections between neurons, in the brain always fascinate me... the more frequently our brains make a particular association, connection - use a synapses - the "path" is ingrained or worn more. One cat walking across a grass lawn will not leave any trail seen by the naked eye, but a pattern of cats following a similar path will develop a clearly defined "road" over time. In the same way, the synapses are strengthened.

It's one reason that change is hard to make... because it requires new synapses to be formed, new roads forged (perhaps with trees to clear cut and water to traverse) - requires energy, intentionality, and effort to build. Often the solid bridges of the past seem like trusty old friends, but at times they can merely act as ruts and traps. And maybe, we'll begin to feel oppressed...unable to escape the heat and find hydration or cooling relief.

I always feel a bit sorry for Shady, who seems to be locked in a cage of fear and loathing (not in Los Vegas).  Or.. the little boy with his finger constantly in the damn..

Independence Day... freedom is to be found, obtained, secured.. healing is possible.