six month stayversary

Patience. My Philadelphia experience over the last six months can sweetly be summed up with that word – along with mind-blowing, passionate, artistic, sad, changing, challenging, boring, and just plain epic!   But regardless, never before have I encountered such continual opportunities and ways to learn patience. Even the microwave at my office seemed to mock my impatience! Heating up water for tea or oatmeal became a process.  Rather than a simple two minutes, it required nearly four minutes with repeated stop and start of the microwave. I swear it was only for my items as well – no one else seemed to have such consistent trouble!  At first I merely cursed at the contraption and demanded that it work properly.  However, soon it whittled away my pride and I simply pleaded with it to work, speaking in loving, complimentary tones to please behave (yes, I even attempted bribes).  Of course, a simple solution of plugging the cord into a grounded outlet abruptly stopped the lesson in patience from the microwave.  But in the meantime, amidst the other struggles with patience, it created a practical and tangible item representative of my impatience.  Needless to say, I’m far from successfully embracing a continual life of patience.  Although I recognized my need to learn patience, I struggled with the idea.. becoming rather frustrated and angry until I realized that before I could begin to practice a lifestyle of patience, I had to understand what it meant.  I've always considered myself patient because I could wait, like sit with a screaming child till hours of tantrum ended.  I explained computer techniques to middle aged people – where copy and paste became close to a trigonometric problem!  But, I’m learning that patience is far more than being more stubborn than a tantrumming child or kind enough to assist someone.  Those are all external factors that I wait for.. quite acceptable. However, my impatience comes when it’s felt internally.   The feeling arises physically within – a tight stomach, or chest pushing against ribs, or blood running in veins, or at the least feet tapping and hands wringing.   It’s the feeling of needing to blurt out a statement without waiting for pause or appropriateness. I read recently that true patience is not about waiting, but about living with no strings attached - letting go, completely and absolutely.  Strings are the "push" and "pull" that come from our desires, expectations, and intentions.  The idea of this type of patience is foreign to me.. and I really fail at full embracement.   Lack of internal peace and quiet – that is my impatience.  A good friend of mine gently reminds me of the dangers and negative effects which arise from the push and pull of impatience.   And, over six months, I am just now starting to get it.. taking baby steps toward removing the push and pull.  It seems to be connected to mindfulness - the idea of being completely in the moment, simply sensing the surroundings and fully recognizing the smells, sights, sounds, tastes, and feel of an experience.. regardless of setting.  It's about quieting your mind and heart.. allowing them to align in perfect harmony and peace.  Childlike wonderment and innocence arises from such a mindful state and patient lifestyle, not to mention joy.  Also, I sense that patience arises from peace which results from trust..faith..  which brings to mind, "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1).   Prior to the last six months, I never connected this familiar verse with patience.  But now.. I'm starting to see how closely the two ideas are intertwined.  With the seeds of understanding planted.. of course my natural impatience asks "so what now?!"  I want to see roots growing!  Production!  So.. lessons are learned slow.  Time is the greatest teacher..