We are born seeking and ready for relationship. My good friend may say that's where it all began - with a picture of bonds and relationship in the "marriage" of Adam and Eve at the beginning of creation. We are "not good" alone. Whether the connection is found through marriage bond, friendship, in service to fellow man, or parent to children... these relationships are essential to our lives. I may be as skeptic, cynical, and private as the next person, but I recognize the need for community and support. For the first time since moving to Philadelphia, I am building relationships and connection with clients, as well as work colleagues and friends. That development of mutual understanding, learning perspective, and sharing our stories... its what life is all about, the essence.
While eating crepes with a dear old friend, I am again humbled and struck by the power of connection with one another. In a way, I used to view such sharing as a sign of weakness... or rather, opening oneself to be weakened. After-all, relationship requires vulnerability, giving the chance for another to stab directly at our most sensitive part. But, I'm starting to find that there is tremendous strength which results from having the courage to lean on another.
In much the same way, I viewed God as a crutch. Now I realize crutches are used to assist people in walking with greater ease. They are necessities at times.. giving strength. However, I always viewed the crutch of God as a sign of weakness. Certainly, with a healthy leg unhindered by braces or supports I could run much farther and faster. Just like Forest Gump. In the movie there's a rather dramatic picture of him starting to run with braces. As he continues, the braces break way and his legs are free to move at their will. Certainly, wouldn't we be "better", healthier without the brace/crutch of God in our lives?
However, in moments were my pride is removed and I'm able to allow true introspection, self awareness, and clarity to take over... I see that I am a very handicapped person - very much in need of assistance. The braces that Forest Gump wore in the movie were fake - not providing true support and correction for his legs. So, of course when he began to run and challenge their constraints, he found healthy limbs able to move him quickly across the ground. Over the weekend, I responded to a question regarding Romans 10:13-15 with the words "is it just God?". And although the conversation moved forward, the word "just" gave me pause. It's like entering a boxing match without helmet or gloves, staying of the opponent - "oh, it's just so and so - no worries, no sweat off my shoulders". So we enter the fight totally unprepared, with complete arrogance... bound to get our asses whipped. But, unlike Mr Gump, I suspect that my braces are necessary and the arrogance to attempt life without, would certainly end in injury - much the same as a boxer entering the fight without padding.
I've wrestled with God.. wandered into the woods and found myself a bit lost. I came across a wall, with vines and small handholds visible on the slippery rocks. Little slits and cracks between the stones allow a glimpse of beauty on the other side, but it's not completely clear. It seems the wall must be traversed, either led by my curiosity or the realization that it is the only solution. So, over the years I've stubbornly climbed the wall. At times I slip a bit, but miraculously my companions hold tight. There's parts of the wall which seem too easy to climb, as though steps were built to ease a particularly difficult area. Other sections feel impossible to circumvent and I consider stopping, perhaps dropping to the ground. But, eventually, I'm finding myself near the top... able to overlook at least partially. Now, the question is whether or not to continue down the other side (and if so, how?) or simply remain and take in the beautiful scene.
Entering new lands.. new relationships.. require risk, courage, and trust. Standing on the edge of that wall, taking in the scene, is simply more safe than to attempt admission to the other side. While considering and viewing the landscape, I am shown experiences - "pictures of grace", as my friend called them. Sitting beside her, as one of the companions I've been blessed to have along the journey, I find myself humbled. The strength, resilience, courage, honesty, and empathy she displays with such grace is mystifying. It's undeniably from a source greater than herself - a peace and assurance and love which has been bestowed on her open heart/soul/mind. And without hesitation she shows the "crutch" of God.. the support which carries and enables life.
More than ever, I'm convinced that relationships are required to walk us successfully through the journey of life. Though it pains my loner/cynical side to proclaim such... I also suspect there's a high connection between relationships with humans and relationship with God. Its perhaps an exploration for another blog or conversation, but I can't help but consider that our created need to be in connection with people naturally requires or leads us to covenant with the creator.
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